We Women Are So Similar!
Today I talked to a friend on the phone, and I realized we women are all so similar. When my friends and I have opened up about our marriage struggles, having a hard day, buying a new home, or the transition from work to full-time mothering I have found we have remarkably parallel paths.
A STORY
We had a therapist come to our Relief Society and tell about how we aren’t open enough with each other. For instance, Sister Lambert comes into the bishop’s office because she struggles with depression. She comments, “Everyone else looks so happy walking through the halls of church! Sister Jones has perfect hair and is always in style. The Smith’s have such a happy marriage, why can’t ours be like that? And the Fredrick’s? I just wish my husband could be like hers.” The Bishop thinks to himself, “Sister Lambert, if I could only tell you that Sister Jones was just in here because she struggles with depression too, the Smith’s were here because they are contemplating divorce, and Sister Fredrick is struggling with addiction.”
The point of that story is that none of us is perfect and I think we don’t rely on our “teammates,” the other ladies in our ward enough.
Know Each Other So You Can Really Help
When we offer “call me if you need anything!” No one takes us up on it. But when I was at a mentor’s house last week she could see that I needed a break. Instead of saying “call if you need anything” she said, “I want to take your girls today. You need to go journal and think and be able to cry. You just need some time alone.” The girls were taken care of in such a sweet way, and I came back MUCH renewed. She also sent me home with some of her Nikken products that helped me heal in incredible ways and gain more energy. We were both filled by the experience. But we can’t have these experiences if we don’t know what is going on in each other’s lives!
CHEER LEADERS
Which brings me to my idea…Women, let’s be each other’s cheer leaders! I want to facilitate the women in my sphere of influence (Cheyenne) sharing with each other and relying on each other so that we can each be strengthened and so that we know when someone needs help. Everyone needs a friend to confide in, and I’m happy to be that friend.
I think this could look like getting together for a girl’s night out, setting up a park play date when the weather is nice, and I’ll even host the showing of my favorite TV series, “When Calls the Heart.” Who’s in!?!
If you don’t live nearby…
I still have two suggestions:
When I began working with my mentor, she suggested getting to know the ladies and genuinely believed more interaction would be mutually beneficial. I was skeptical and it took me a little while to catch on, but I asked several women in my ward about doing a “mom swap” and one of them was willing! I get a break every other week and so does she. Our kids get a friend to play with, and I have some “me” time, which makes me a better mother and wife.
She also suggested that I call a friend when I’m doing house work. I resisted until I read the statistic that women use 20,000 communication signals a day, while men use only 7,000. This means that I cannot rely on my husband for all 20,000. When he hits 7, he is done! Burned out. As I’ve called friends to chat in the day and found other ways to interact with friends, I’ve realized I allow my husband to play the part of spouse and that is healthy. I’ve removed the expectations that were ridiculous and marriage-damaging. He doesn’t have to be my girlfriend, shopping partner, and we don’t have to do all of our hobbies together. He gets more time to use as he pleases and it’s a win-win.
