Does My Dress Size Matter When Seeking a Spouse?

DEAR AMBER,

I saw your post from Alyssa that you are now adding advice column to your busy list. I am deciding to take advantage, but hope to keep my secret identity. I am 45 and have three children. Their dad and I separated 3 years ago. I would love to participate in a healthy, happy, honest and mutually respectful marriage, if it be the Father's will. I am addressing those extra motherhood pounds and continue to care for my physical body and my spiritual well being as well as pressing forward with raising my sons, growing in a career that Father has blessed me with and allows me to bless others, and studying about healthy relationships out of the best books. My question is what advice can you give me about attracting a worthy man. I know that men are visually oriented and I have been reserved with the few pictures I have posted on LDS dating websites. I welcome your advice on how to meet and appropriately capture the attention of men that I am interested in. I am a little shy about making the first move.

-- Another Chatsworth Girl

________________________________________________________________

DEAR ANOTHER CHATSWORTH GIRL,

Thank you for your trust. My intention is to be worthy of it.

The load that single mothers carry is only known to those women sharing it. The ache of loneliness, even the lack of being able to share simple thoughts at the end of the day with your spouse as you climb into bed, weighs heavily and drains the soul. I believe strongly that extra throngs of angelic support are yours as you ask and even if you forget at times. ;) Work demands have kept my husband and I in separate states for months and the weight of pulling both jobs in the home can be hopeless at times. My admiration for your continuous plight is also filled with great compassion.

There is a wise saying, "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he." We are what we think about all day long. Think and then be THE person that you want to attract. Like attracts like. It is a universal truth. The more clear you are on the man you want in your life, the more detail you give it, the increase in you two coming together is multiplied. The likelihood of your paths crossing will be more certain. For example, and I know this seem obvious, but it you make temple attendance a priority, your chances of meeting another temple worthy member expand.

In Larry R. Lawrence's General Conference address this last October, he taught that we can receive very direct answers to our questions, personalized, just for us. As the Lord has taught that man is not without the woman, nor is woman without the man, you can be comforted that your righteous desire will be heard. I would ask Father for a specific answer to your question and COUNT on a detailed answer for you. Once after a long rant for almost 10 minutes to the Lord about everything not working in my life, I heard loudly, clearly and without question, "Amber, stop eating sugar."

Yes men are visual, Father made them that way but that's a whole other conversation, but there is much to be said about the way we as women manuever within that framework. How we present ourselves as women is everything! I have carried a range of 20-55 lbs of weight for the last 10 years but have never behaved any differently in the movements and bodily expressions with my husband. Regardless of whether or not we are totally pleased with our dress size, we can flow through life, carrying ourselves as if we are the exact size we want to be. Our body language says it all. If you think you are attractive, you will hold yourself and perform as such. What you think about yourself will be what you are! There is much power in this.

If you feel pulled towards a man, in person or on line, do not hesitate to be friendly. You always have the power to direct each step of the communication. Remember that you are not a victim of social circumstance and have set boundaries on what you allow. I had to chase my husband down because he was so busy with school and work! It was worth it! If it is in your nature to be bold, you will always be in a safe place being true to your personality.