Unity in Marriage -- Expectations

Many conflicts in marriage come from unspoken expectations for a spouse. These expectations are detrimental because in your head he doesn’t measure up, but he doesn’t know what he should be measuring up to. Identifying these expectations is vital to the happiness of your marriage.

It’s really helpful to discuss outside activities each week to avoid scheduling misunderstandings, and to decide a routine that will help your family reach their potential. This routine would probably involve exercise, meals together, family scripture study and prayer, etc.

In addition to the basic calendaring items just described, My mentor advised that my spouse and I write down everything we expect from the other person. Some of mine were: "Provide for our home, Take me on a date every week, Lock up the house at night, and Hold a temple recommend." Once you've compiled the list, ask a few questions about your expectations: What is the root? What is the source? And is this expectation aligned with God’s teachings?

When we have prayerfully defined what we would like our spouse to do, we can come together and decide what we each will commit to. Once these commitments are made, don’t hold each other to unspoken commitments. The book, For All Eternity says "Communication is an exchange of understanding. It's an eternal truth that all frustration comes from unmet expectations. There is no such thing as someone who is frustrated who did not have an expectation that was unmet" (p. 1). I believe this is true and we're working to get rid of the frustration piece by piece, this exercise was a great starting point for us.

This picture is of our engagement photographer, Claire Thorley. You can find her blog here.